Frustration.

Today I am slightly frustrated.

I had a good day, starting from early morning, picking up a friend from the bus station - had lots of fun getting there and surprising her.

Then we spent some time together and I went out to dinner with another friend and hung out. Overall, a really great day.

But one thing that bothers me is watching someone I know is a great person inside and out, suffer. I recently met a guy who I had an interest in initially. However, he soon after got a girlfriend and I was not bitter about the situation, I figured he was happy and that was all that mattered. But I now see him suffering a lot and it truly kills me.

I figured he would be a good friend - he seems passionate and reliable, easy to get along with. But he doens't seem to come to me for comfort, though many times, I've offered.

I'm a little frustrated that first of all, it's actually bothering me. Secondly, that he wouldn't seek my guidance and help.

Maybe this is me being a little self-centered. People will come around when they want to.

I'll get over it, I suppose.

-J

Reality.

Reality.

It hit my last night - thing's I should have faced and dealt with, oh man - it hit me hard.

Lesson learned, deal with the pain, don't ignore. Trust me, it WILL come back to haunt you. But after getting that off my chest, I woke up feeling so much better this morning.

Though before I've mentioned I'm happy with my life, there are some aspects in which I could be happier in. I've always been the kind of girl to be in a relationship. I enjoy the company and I like caring for someone other than myself. However, I don't believe rushing into anything would do me any good. I first need to care for myself and make sure I'm at a good place in my life before I can commit to anyone else.

I do have options though, and I'll admit that I can get attached easily (damn oxytocin!) But I need to focus more on myself and my happiness before I can be happy with anyone else.

Valuable life lessons have been learned within the past year. Though most of it was through heartache, lies, and mistakes, I wouldn't change it. It's shaped me into the person I have become today - stronger, more open minded, and more trusting of my instincts.

Don't live and regret - just live.

-J

Life.

Still here.

Yesterday was certainly an eye-opener for me. I spent most of the day talking to my best friends and reflecting on things in life. I am so grateful for the wonderful friends in my life and I'm so happy where I am in my life today.

I realized also that a lot has changed within the last year. I spent too much time trying to save a relationship that was a lost cause. Though I do have some regrets about all that time wasted, I also believe it's shaped me into the person I am today.

I've become a stronger person. I've also learned what I deserve and what I don't. I will no longer take crap from people who only want to put me down and make me feel bad about myself.

If there's one thing I take pride in, it's my loyal friendship. I'm not popular, but I have good friends. And if I consider you to be a good friend, you know that my friendship is honest and loyal and I would do just about anything for you. That's just the person I am.

I've lost good friends along the way, and it's unfortunate. I won't lie and say it doesn't matter to me, because it does. These people were once a big part of my life and now they've changed and gone.

However, I am a fighter. I've tried to save some friendships but there's only so much fighting you can do when you're the only one invested in the relationship. There can't be much outcome when only one person cares.

I've lost relationships, I've lost friends, and I've lost love. But within all these loses, I believe I've gained more. I've gained experience, I've learned lessons, I've become stronger, and I've learned to love myself.

I'm thankful for those friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin. And I'm also thankful for those who have left, because they've changed me in ways I needed to grow in. I don't wish harm on anyone, and I've already forgiven those who have hurt me the most.

I see no need in holding grudges and I wish the best for those I've lost. If things happen for a reason, I think I've found the reason in all this.

I know now that forgiveness is key to living a full, happy life. Though I may still be hurt by recent events, I know time will make the pain pass and I will have learned more valuable lessons in my life.

I'm not bitter - I don't blame peoples actions for the things that have gone wrong in my life. But rather, I am thankful. I love myself today and I believe that good will come from all these experiences.

I've loved and I've lost  but I've gained so much more.

Sincerely,
J

Love.

I'm back.

I'm still getting used to this blogging thing. So far, no negatives.

So, to catch up - new and exciting things are happening. To start, I've been going to the bars more often, meeting new people, having drinks and overall, having a good time.

One thing that's really a downer though, is stealing people's phones. My friend got her phone stolen right out of her purse while we were at the bar...it ruined the entire night.

Otherwise though, I'm enjoying this single life - the dating detox. I'm also exploring options - I've always been one who settles down, I like the company when I stay in on Friday nights.

This newly single experience has definitely led to things that I normally wouldn't say or do...but I think the experience itself is good for me. Change can be good.

I'm excited to see what will come of things. Perhaps a new love interest in my near future? Only time will tell. But for now, I will enjoy being myself and being happy with myself. I refuse to let people slow me down and I'm going to simply be happy.

I have no big expectations, just hope.

Loving life,
J

Single.

Second Day.

Well, this is my second post. So far, nothing against blogging.

As a newly single person, I've experienced new things in life. Coming out of a long-term relationship (with a bad break up...you don't even want to know the details) has caused me to see things in a new light.

For instance, I've realized just how picky I am with men - so many requirements (most of which I don't think are too excessive or high maintenance). But the reason being; I've decided that I do deserve the best and nothing less - no more settling.

I heard so many positive things from online dating lately. You know, there's always those stories "my friend met her boyfriend online and now they're engaged" - well, that certainly provides a sense of hope. For this reason, I joined an online dating service yesterday (the free portion only) and in about 24 hours, have deactivated it. I realized that it's too weird and difficult for me to view a profile and decide if I'm interested in someone or not - I would much rather do it the old fashion way and meet people and get to know them the regular way. I'm really starting to hate this online, texting-only stuff. What happened to going out and talking over coffee or even talking on the phone? Nobody does that anymore.

I suppose the reason I joined the site in the first place is because I hoped the same thing would happen to me. Well, I'm lucky that it didn't take too much to make me realize reality. And the reality is that of "He's just not that into you" (I've not read the book, but the movie is fairly wise) - the reality being that we hear the stories - people meeting online and falling in love, people leaving their spouse for the love of their life, etc - the truth is, that's all crap. Those people are all exceptions to the rule - we're all just average. The chances of that happening to us is very unlikely. And these amazing heart warming stories throw us in the wrong direction and lead to unhappiness and misfortune.

I'm trying to move forward with my life and to help with that, I've started reading Patti Stanger's "Become your own matchmaker". Although I'm still on the first chapter, I can see how useful her tips are already. She is one wise woman - I've always looked up to her (since I've known of her). I've seen her success in her show "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and I look forward to reading the rest of her tips and tricks and hopefully be able to move forward in my life and enjoy being single (while I'm in Dating Detox - see her book for further details) and hopefully be on my way to finding Mr. Right.

Then again, I'm young - I've got lots of time. But that's not the case for everyone. I believe there's someone for everyone and some people just need help getting there. Patti is definitely an essential key in getting there.

Wishing you all the best,
J

Confused.

Day 1.

I don't quite understand this blogging thing. I'm extremely new to this...I don't even know where to begin.
I suppose I could start by stating that I've no interest in entertaining others but rather I am doing this for a sense of personal relief and possibly ranting...scratch that - definitely for ranting.

However, I'm no different than any of you - just average. I'm no beauty queen or attention seeker. I typically keep to myself and I like it that way. Though I have certain traits to separate me from others, I don't believe I require popularity to feel fulfilled.

I don't know what is typically said in these blogs - perhaps I should have done my own research prior to making my account. Regardless, we'll see if this is even something I have interest in pursuing.

Wishing myself the best,
J